Nightly Thoughts Of An Insomniac

Funeral For The Undead

2006-03-27T07:57:00.000-08:00

A room full of coffins
Ready to welcome the undead.
They come to receive life,
When they should long for death.

The undead: won’t die, won’t live.
They eat poisonous food
And take the antidote soon after.
Turning their clothes inside out:
They die on one day
Reviving themselves on the next.

A room full of coffins
Ready to welcome the undead.
They run from their graves,
Never letting go of the tombstones.

The undead: sucking every drop of blood
But keeping themselves dry to the bone.
Shutting their eyes to the life they’re drinking,
Without even knowing who they’re killing…
Who is dying for them…
Just setting their goal on living another day.

The Never Ending Fight

2006-01-25T02:04:00.000-08:00

The bell rings twice,
The fight begins.

With my guard down,
I take punch after punch
Round after round,
Without even seeing the adversary's face,
His fists coming straight at me.
Bones are crushed, muscles sore, but my face isn’t a bit bruised,
Wearing a winning smile,
Tolerated... pleasant to everybody
That chooses not to watch the fight.

Started by giving and people receiving,
End up being robbed of everything I have.
None of it would matter if it wasn’t for this failing heart,
Screaming constantly for mercy,
Begging me to lift my arms
And shield myself from another attack.

And I just stand here,
In the middle of the ring,
Questioning myself if this is real,
If this isn’t actually a dream, a bad dream.
So confused that I’m unable to even cowardly run for cover,
As I would normally do.

So the fight continues,
And I take punch after punch,
Round after round,
Saving just enough strength
To keep my winning smile showing,
My broken bones hidden
And everybody happy.
Waiting for that final ring of the bell
That is taking forever to sound.

The Art Of Bottling And Breaking Down

2005-12-04T10:49:00.000-08:00

Another dream broken,
Another word unspoken,
I bottle it up,
I cramp it up.

The cork still holds it in,
So I don’t know I don’t really care
When it will explode, when it will flare.
A million pieces flying around
In its path cutting a frown.

Another tear fails to fall,
But not to be bottled,
And a heart to be hurt,
But not yours… not mine.

Deeper bottles, smaller hearts.
Longer nights, lower skies.
This is our song, these are our sighs,
Holding my bottle, glimpsing down,
Afraid to stumble, afraid to drown.

A smile for you, a knife for me,
A pain for the bottle,
Now filled with void,
Now filled with hope.

Listen to me hush,
Listen to me crush.
Me and my bottle tired,
Me and my bottle shattered.

Garden Of Life... And Death

2005-12-02T09:07:00.000-08:00

It started out as beautiful,
Freshly picked from the garden,
A delicate, unique rose,
Dew dripping from its petals
Like tears of what’s to come.

One by one, I took the thorns,
One by one, I cut them off,
So careful not to ruin it,
So careful not to get hurt.

And I sit on this chair
Quietly watching as it withers,
Life running away,
Followed by colour
As bright red dims to black.

It started out as beautiful,
With its last effort to survive,
A shrinking, dying rose,
Sucks its final breath
From the bottom of the vase.

One by one, I pick them up,
One by one, I cry upon,
So carefully I’ll bury them,
So carefully I’ll watch them grow.

And I hold in my hand
What preceded its death,
New life to be reborn,
A miracle to be witnessed
By faith to be brought up.

Death sprouted life.
Hate, love conquered.

Hanging Paintings

2005-11-30T12:08:00.000-08:00

Walking down this corridor
Where old paintings hang
From old, peeling walls.

Dusty eyes follow me as I go
And when I look back at them,
Famine strikes, disaster,
Damage left by old wars,
New ones taking place.

Flooded eyes follow me as I go
And when I look back at them,
Claustrophobia takes over, fear,
Walls closing in on me,
Reaching arms wanting touch.

Hopeful eyes follow me as I go
And when I look back at them,
A bomb falls, fire burns,
Walls unable to stand, kneel,
Sun shines through all.

King To Nothingness

2005-11-27T08:31:00.000-08:00

And suddenly I’m a leper,
My rotten, putrid body falling apart.

I just wanted to touch you
So I could get rid of this disease,
So I could heal this sickness…
How selfish of me…

But you made it impossible,
You made yourself untouchable,
Impervious to all my pain,
Unreachable, way up in that castle.

Old battle scars keep you
From leaving your throne,
A self acclaimed king,
In that old castle down on a valley.

Overlooking my every move
Without ever really watching.
Over thinking wrongly spoken words,
Without ever really knowing.

And suddenly I’m a king,
My heavy, unwanted crown sits on my head.

In my own castle I stand,
Observing your every move,
While recent wounds
Heal in to painful scars.

I destroyed the walls
I thought kept me from you.
Realizing now that in fact
They hid you from me.

Now I see you, now I see me,
And I get sick from what I see,
Reflected in this mirror:
A selfish King to nothingness.

Time To Fight

2005-11-26T15:53:00.000-08:00

Preparing myself for war,
Never knowing when the trumpet to charge will sound.

Looking over my shoulders I see my brothers surrendering themselves,
And then I know I won’t fight alone.

I think to myself: “I’m not ready for this!”
As I see the enemy in the horizon running towards me.

I close my eyes searching for your words that will be my weapon,
While flaming arrows brush against my skin.

I only wish I die in time to fight this battle!
And falling on my knees I am risen and courage strengthened.

I hear the roar of this mighty army as we pray for the rain to fall on us
And wash clean the chains still holding us back.

I open my eyes to find the sword of the enemy ready to strike
And suddenly all fear disappears as I remember that we already won!

The Lost Sea

2005-11-26T13:20:00.000-08:00

Watching on this side of the fence,
Squeezing a gaze through the pieces of wood,
Finding myself in awe
Of what reaches my eyes.

A silver sheet spread across the horizon,
Being ripped to shreds,
As they fight to escape from within,
Breaking the shine reflected in this mirror.

A fire is lit in me, a craving increases
And a drought is revealed.
I push myself even harder against
What keeps me from entering the water.

While one and another fall apart,
Lining up, pushing each other,
Eager to end their journey on the sand,
To find rest at last upon the shore.

The clouds witnessing with me from above,
As another wave breaks down,
Long for the storm to find an end,
And allow them to finally reveal the sun.

A few inches keep me from peeking over.
So I pray for patience to allow me to grow
And jump beyond this wall
That stands between me and the lost sea.

A Lesson On Chemistry

2005-11-21T15:46:00.000-08:00

So I take this flask full of acid and drink it all up.
And feel it sliding, burning its way down my throat,
Running through my veins, spreading to my entire body.
Like a cancer that can’t be stopped, a fire that can’t be put out,
As it corrodes me from the inside out,
Slowly destroying every organ in me, every inch of flesh,
Becoming a hungry beast,
Never satisfied, always wanting more,
And I’m left empty, hollow, a shell for nothing,
On the verge of collapsing into myself.
The pain finally turns its eyes away from me,
While this liquid chemical finishes plundering.
I fear it’s too late to stop this reaction.

Biological War

2005-11-21T15:19:00.000-08:00

This virus spreading, consuming every drop of blood.
I hurt myself every time I try to move.
My own cries overcoming the pleas of help all around.
Can’t seem to fight this invisible enemy any longer.

And here I am, wounded, in the battlefield of this biological war,
One more victim among these corpses.

Searching for a way out, unaware I’ll end up back here.
Look to the dark sky above and the black mud around,
Contaminating my heart now as well as my body.
Thinking to myself: “will I ever leave this place?”

And here I am, wounded, where the only counteragent is death,
One more soldier wanting to go home.

A Shadow Of Your Journey

2005-11-11T08:11:00.000-08:00

Flesh is being torn apart…
Silent screams are unleashed…
A growing pain squirms within…
A calm surface hides the war engaged underneath…
Chains keeping me here multiply…

Wishing I could turn away
I search for you in the midst of this darkness,
Longing for loving arms to conceal me.
This is all that keeps me going,
Striving to become a shadow of you!

I gaze upon the never-ending ocean
As I stand on the edge of this cliff
And prepare myself for another dive
Taking a deep breath to survive the jump,
‘Cause I forgot death is all I need!

I feel a hand on my shoulder,
Close my eyes to the darkness and find you,
Healing these rotten feet, this broken heart.
So I cling on, has hard has I can,
Until my fingers bleed,
Drawing my strength from you.

Prison Of Thorns

2005-11-10T01:12:00.000-08:00

I’m trapped in a prison of thorns.
The more I try to free myself the deeper they sink into my heart,
Cutting their way straight into my soul.
So I surrender to stillness,
Thinking it will stop the pain.
But the sun, struggling to shine through the entangled branches,
Finally reaches my face with just enough strength
To remind me that there’s more beyond this jail…
Then, with the last drop of hope,
I take this pain killer and plan another escape for the very next day.

House Of Lost Dreams

2005-11-07T16:19:00.000-08:00

Laying here,
As this voice drums its way into my mind,
Poisoning this bread and this wine.

I cover my ears to the symphony of the sirens,
Hoping it will go away,
And trespass my heart with this knife,
Offered to me time and time again.

Running out of blood to shed
In this empty house I so proudly built,
Now full of haunting rooms,
Footsteps of people long gone.

Through the cracked walls that stand as proof of history,
The wind, blowing away the dust that instinctively I try to keep,
Renews the stale air
And allows me to smell the gardens nearby.

So I drink the rain dripping from the leaking sealings,
Suck these tears back inside
And play the music that will smother this silent laughter.